MEADOWS spoiled by noisy few, says ducks.

'With the arrival of a group of geese from Canada, the usual calm and peaceful Stamford meadows has been ruined,’ claimed Thorndyke, speaking at his press conference held earlier today on the steps of the Town Hall.. 'We don't want foreign hoodlums coming here, making a hullabaloo and being noisy and selfish. We have our own noisy and selfish locals'.

STUPID HONKING.

'I don't know who they think they're impressing with their stupid honking, but it's certainly not me. And no native avian likes to hear their bleating. A dog might think its amazing and exotic, but then dogs have the intelligence of a spoon,' Thorndyke added.

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION

Only last year Thorndyke brought a similar motion before South Kesteven district council; petitioning for the reinstatement of the small dog-free area on the meadows, which used to stretch from Vence Walk towards the bridge (see above photograph).

Even thought the council voted unanimously in favour of Thorndyke's proposal, it was unsuccessful - after council chair Leon (Trotsky) Perrin ignored the democratic wishes of the council and decided against the proposal. 'With dogs and dog walkers limited to just the land from Stamford's Vence Walk all the way to Leicester, a distance of only 38 miles, it is only fair that dogs and dog walkers should also have the right to use the only remaining dog-free area left in Stamford,' Chairperson Perrin explained. The controversial stretch of land had previously been set aside for people that may not enjoy the company of dog owners and their uncontrolled animals - especially if they are having a picnic or have small children. However the council thought otherwise -

'People who don't like dogs are not much better than paedos,' said Town Councillor Sandy Soap at the time.

NOT BEST PLEASED

Thorndyke has never been shy of hiding his lack of respect for South Kesteven’s version of democracy, and so his next announcement came as no surprise. ‘After many years of hard graft, long nights and grinding meetings, striving for the greater good of South Kesteven, I do hearby nominate myself for the newly undemocratically decided upon position of Mayor of Lincolnshire’.

VOTE FOR THORNDYKE

'I'll give you a democracy you won't believe,'' Thorndyke continued, possibly in a reference to his controversial admiration for Russia's current premier.

It looks like it will be an interesting race for the premier-ship of Lincolnshire.

Would you like to be mayor? What would you do if you were mayor? If you feel inclined, tell us.